Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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