Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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