i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?