I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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