Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.