So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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