There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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