Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.