Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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