I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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