babies were throwing up all over the place
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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