I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
