I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
