Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
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Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
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i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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