You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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