i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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