You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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