Umm I'm too high to move.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I faked an abortion last night.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I FOUND THE LEGS
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
