six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
