Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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