i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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