okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my shit smells like andre
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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