She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
