It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
