I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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