I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize