If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
