Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
