It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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