i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
