She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
