She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
