is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
