isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
