OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
