Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
it hurts more in the daytime
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
