At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Enjoy the penises
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
