I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
