4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
