there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
