So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
