I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize