Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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