My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
