yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
