PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
