I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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