he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is Oprah even human
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
