My liver just broke up with me...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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