I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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