Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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