I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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