plz talk dirty to me
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
