Whod you bang
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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