after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
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what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
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Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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