Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
