all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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