my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
