discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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