I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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