Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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