I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
