Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Even the bartender felt bad for me
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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