i already hear my dad disowning me
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
