Don't make out with my wife yet
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
