I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
