she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
