I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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