oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Randomize
