Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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