drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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